Hold Me
by teammccord
Summary: "Hold me, just a little longer tonight." Post 2x20
_A/N: This episode, once again, made me sob. For Elizabeth and Henry, for Buttercup, and for the fact that they finally got some things out in the open. My heart breaks for them, but I know they'll come out the other side stronger._

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" _Hold me, just a little longer tonight."_

His strong arms wrapped around her, and she buried her nose in the crook of his neck as the tears fell. She clung to him like he was her lifeline, keeping her afloat as the world spun madly around. He was solid, and he held her up, no matter what happened before. "Whatever happens, we're together," he'd said. At his words, she'd let out a breath she had no idea she was holding, giving herself fully to his embrace, letting the grief wash over her. Grief for Buttercup, grief for Henry, and all he had gone through, grief that they'd been pushed so far again. Every time they came out the other side stronger, she felt as though they were being kicked toward another cliff. "Kicked" being the operative word. But Henry's solid presence grounded her, it gave her resolve.

This, _them_ , it was too important. Too important to give up on. They were supposed to be forever.

She pulled back and looked up, tears still clouding her eyes. His were equally misty, and she took comfort in the fact that he was grieving as well. "She's gonna come with the medicine soon," she whispered. "Can you stay with us?"

"Of course," he answered, kissing the top off her head. "There's nowhere else I'd be."

They walked back to Buttercup together, and she moved to stroke his muzzle again, wanting to savour the last moments she had with him. Henry was silent, but stood behind Elizabeth, wrapping his arms around her again. He felt a need to reassure her of his presence, to make sure she knew he'd never leave. He owed her that much, after all the yelling, the horrible digs he'd made over the past few days. He knew he needed to confront the issue, talk it out with her, but not like this. They didn't go below the belt. It just wasn't how they fought.

But now wasn't the time. Now she needed to grieve, and all he could do was be there, and hold her. And it meant the world to her.

The vet came then, and it all went by quickly. Buttercup was put to sleep, and Henry and Elizabeth stayed with him through the last moments, right until his eyes fell closed and his breathing evened out, slowing until it stopped completely. Elizabeth was sitting by the horse's side, running her hand over his coat, soothing him in the last few moments of his life. Henry had gotten up to discuss the details with Mitch and the vet, who assured him they would take Buttercup and handle everything. All he had to do was be there for Elizabeth.

As Buttercup's breathing stopped, Elizabeth's own breath hitched in her throat. This was it. She bent down and placed a gentle kiss on his forelock, wiping the tears from her eyes as she sat back up. "Goodnight, my sweet, sweet Buttercup," she whispered.

She was startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked up to see Henry's outstretched arm and concerned gaze. She accepted his hand gratefully, allowing him to pull her up from the stall's floor. He wrapped his arms around her and she clung to him again, needing to hear the steady beating of his heart. Needing to assure herself that Henry was still alive. It was irrational, she knew, but it soothed her nonetheless.

"Mitch and Dr. Klein are gonna take care of Buttercup," he whispered into her ear. "Come on, let's go back to the house." She looked up and nodded. She had to get away from the barn, away from it all. With one last glance down at her horse, she took a deep breath and grabbed Henry's hand, walking out of the stall. She stopped to thank Mitch and Dr. Klein, though how she could thank the vet who'd given her horse the diagnosis, she didn't know. At least Buttercup wasn't in pain, she reasoned, at least he was free of that.

They walked back to the house in silence, the weight of the moment not going unnoticed by either of them. The weight of the past few days, if they were being honest. They entered the house and silently shed their shoes and coats, needing no words to communicate. One glance was all it took, and Henry scooped Elizabeth up and carried her into the bedroom. He deposited her on the bed gingerly, and she began to take off her 'horse clothes', as she called them, changing into a big sweatshirt and her favourite pair of flannel pants. Henry did the same, shedding his dress shirt and trousers and exchanging them for sweatpants and a sweater.

He pulled on the covers and Elizabeth slipped in gratefully. He followed suit and pulled her into his embrace, leaning back against the headboard.

"It's okay baby, you can let go," he whispered. She buried herself in his arms again, tears flowing. He rubbed soothing circles on her back, kissing her hair. He felt completely helpless.

A little while later, Elizabeth had no more tears left to shed, and she shifted in Henry's arms, moving away from the tear-soaked patch of his sweater. Chuckling wryly, she rubbed the spot with her thumb. "Sorry about that, you're all wet."

"It's okay, honey," Henry said, kissing her hair as he moved her chin so she had to look at him directly. "Better?"

"A little," she admitted, "but it still hasn't sunken in. And I already miss him so, so much."

"I know, you two went through everything together. I'm so sorry he's gone."

"Do the kids know?" she whispered. She didn't know what all Henry had had time for in the few hours he'd been back in DC.

"No, I don't think so," he said. "Do you want to call them?"

"A little later, when they get home, so they're all together."

"Okay." They sat quietly for a few minutes, letting memories of Buttercup fill their heads. He'd become Elizabeth's horse after her black gelding had to be put down, and they'd really gone through everything together.

Buttercup had been there for the wedding (which Elizabeth and Henry held at her parents' farm), and he'd met all the children even before they moved back out to the countryside to start the bucolic portion of their lives. Elizabeth clearly remembered the wedding picture in their office in Georgetown — she and Henry standing by the pasture fence, Henry's arms wrapped around her as he leant against the white wood, and Buttercup's head poking around them, trying to nip at Elizabeth's bouquet. She smiled at the memory, and the laughs they'd all shared that day, ready to start into a new and unexplored future.

"What are you thinking about?" Henry asked.

"You, me, Buttercup and a certain wedding picture," she said, unable to hide a tiny smile that crept on her lips. Henry had to smile at the memory too, and he pecked her lips.

"We were so young, and in love, and he wanted all the attention," he said, chuckling. "But the picture is my favourite, still, because you're really, truly laughing in it and you're gorgeous when you laugh."

"I love you," she said, her face turning serious again. "Please don't ever forget that." Her mind had gone back to their fights over the past few days, wanting nothing more than to help her husband with his demons, just as he was helping her with this.

"I could never—" he started, confused as to her shift in thoughts. Then it hit him, and he felt another wave of guilt wash over him, after all the horrible things he'd said to her. "Baby, I'm so, so sorry about what I said. I can't even begin to apologize. I—"

"Shh, it's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but you have so much you haven't dealt with, that _we_ haven't dealt with. We need to figure this out without blowing up at one another."

"Yeah, we do. I'm just so sorry I yelled, that's not how we do things."

"No, it's not. But we'll talk, properly, and we'll work it out. We always do."

He bent down to capture her lips in a gentle kiss, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Elizabeth McCord, you're incredible. I love you so much."

"We should call the kids soon," she said, "I don't know how I'm gonna tell them that—" her throat caught at the words and she started crying again. Henry pulled her close, and mumbled sweet nothings in her hair until she calmed and her breathing returned to normal.

"I don't know either," he admitted, "but we'll do it together, and it'll work itself out. Okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, nodding her head. Together, nothing ever seemed quite as insurmountable.

The phone call to the kids ended up going better than expected, even though she clung to Henry's hand the whole time, like it was the only thing keeping her afloat. Maybe it was. They agreed to head back into DC the next morning, and the kids promised to all be home that night, so they could spend it together, as a family. She smiled at the thought, at her wonderful children, who knew how much this upset her and knew she needed them all close.

She and Henry spent the rest of the evening downstairs talking, about everything and nothing all at once. They wanted to save the heavy stuff for later, once they got back to real life, and the loss of Buttercup had sunken in. For now, all that mattered was that they were together. Together, and working towards a solution, because they both valued their relationship above all else and were willing to do anything to keep it intact.

It was late when they slipped under the covers again, and Henry spooned Elizabeth from behind, holding her close as they tried to fall asleep, demons plaguing both of them. Buttercup, Talia, Dimitri and everything else swirled through their minds and kept them up, both listening to their rhythmic breaths — in and out, in and out.

"We're gonna be okay, right?" Elizabeth whispered, knowing Henry was still awake.

"Whatever happens, we're together," he repeated.

"Okay."

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 _A/N: Fin. This was short, and rambly, but I had to get it out. I hope you liked it, feedback makes me happy :) The quote is from a song by Etta James, by the way. It's beautiful, you should go have a listen._


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